Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde
It’s quite possibly the most commonly used phrase in the history of advice: Be yourself. But it’s such a vague adage. What do they really mean when they tell you to be yourself? And is it really as easy as it sounds?
Steps
Find yourself.
You can’t be yourself if you don’t know, understand, and accept yourself first. Try to take time to yourself and contemplate on your life and choices. Try and think about what kind of things you would or wouldn’t like to do and do them - finding out through trial and error helps more than you would think it does. You can even take personality tests - though take what you want from them and don’t let them define you. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you’ve made - they’re done and its in the past so there is no use crying over spilled milk.
Stop caring about how people perceive you.
The fact is, it really doesn’t matter. It’s impossible to be yourself when you’re caught up in wondering “Do they think I’m funny? Does she think I’m fat? Do they think I’m stupid?” To be yourself, you’ve got to let go of these concerns and just let your behavior flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter—not their consideration of you. Besides, if you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not like you and then you’d be going around in a vicious cycle to please people. It’s totally pointless in the end - though if someone you trust and respect critiques aspects of who you are, feel free to judge (honestly) whether or not it is accurate instead of shutting the critique down automatically or accepting it indefinitely.
Be honest and open.
What have you got to hide? You’re an imperfect, growing, learning human being. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of yourself—and you feel you have to hide those parts of you, whether physically or emotionally—then you have to come to terms with that and learn to convert your so-called flaws into individualistic quirks. Be honest to yourself but don’t beat yourself up - apply this philosophy to others as well. There is a difference between being an ass and being honest - learn to watch the way you say things to yourselves and others when being honest.
Relax.
Stop worrying about the worst that could happen, especially in social situations. So what if you fall flat on your face? Or get spinach stuck in your teeth? Learn to laugh at yourself both when it happens and afterwards. Turn it into a funny story that you can share with others. It lets them know that you’re not perfect and makes you feel more at ease, too. Its also a turn on to guys and girls when someone is able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously!
Develop and express your individuality.
Whether it’s your sense of style, or even your manner of speaking, if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream, then be proud of it… unless its destructive to yourself or others. Be a character, not a type.
Have a Productive Day.
Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and that some days, you’re the statue. People might raise eyebrows and even make fun, but as long as you can shrug and say “Hey, that’s just me” and leave it at that, people will ultimately respect you for it, and you’ll respect yourself.
Believe in who you are.
If you’re always working to be someone you’re not, you’ll never be a happy person. Be yourself and show the world you’re proud of the way you are! Nobody knows you better than you and that’s how it should be. You deserve to be your own best friend so start trying to figure out HOW you can do that - if you had to hang out with yourself for a day, what is the funnest type of person you could be, while still being yourself? What is the best version of you? Believe in this idea and use that as your starting point. Yea and don’t forget that being yourself and honesty is the best policy! :-)
Tips
There’s a difference between being yourself and being rude. You might have your opinions, dreams, and preferences, but so does everybody else. You don’t have to disrespect people who disagree with you in order to be yourself; they’re not you.
If fads or trends strike your fancy, don’t avoid them! Being yourself is all about reflecting who you are inside in what you do, and what you like is what you like, no matter how trendy it is (or not trendy, for that matter)!
As the famous song goes, “Life’s not worth a damn until you can say, I am what I am” - when you can sincerely say it, you will know that you can be yourself.
If you don’t agree on what people express as an opinion you don’t need to argue their point or be rude about it, and don’t just act like you agree either because then you would be acting falsely. Even if you are interested in something that most people aren’t interested in don’t be afraid or hide it, stand up and show your true inner self. People will know how confident you are. Don’t worry about anything but being yourself and living life to the fullest!
WarningsJust because you don’t care about how people perceive you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be aware of it, especially in situations where being yourself might be misinterpreted. For example, you might enjoy being friendly and flirtatious, but in some cultures, that might be perceived as a sexual invitation, and you could get yourself in trouble.
Don’t lose yourself when you’re with other friends. Be yourself. Don’t be someone else so other people will like you because, in the end, you end up hurting other people and losing yourself. Don’t think that being yourself means that you cannot change who you are. You want to be a person that you can be proud of, so if there is some way you can improve yourself, go for it. Don’t allow your shortcomings to discourage you, but don’t ignore them either.
Make sure that you can show the same “you” to everyone consistently. If you feel the need to be secretive about something wrong you’ve done, you are not really being yourself; it will show and misunderstandings will occur. Do what’s right. You cannot truly be yourself unless you can face yourself. Keep in mind that ‘being yourself’ is not always the right thing to do. Would you tell a despicable person to just be himself and not change a thing? No. Most of the time when people in general perceive you a certain way, it means you don’t fit in to your society. Whether you WANT to fit in or not is up to you, but you are only setting yourself up for trouble when you neglect society’s ways. (That is, unless you decide to live in a cave for the rest of your life.)
That said, obviously nobody is perfect. However, if you are outrageously flawed (for example, have a short temper) then you should look into some self-improvement rather than ignoring everyone’s cues and ‘being yourself.’ Don’t deny yourself of the truth by saying it’s everyone else’s problem and not yours. You’ll only be hurting yourself in the long run.
